How good a writer are you?

Clarity’s suggestions

We looked at this sentence:

"The combination of our unique Proprietary Databases and analytical tools gives you rapid appreciation of high-level macro market trends and key issues which, combined with the depth of our research, allows you to drill down into specific companies, markets and individual assets to gain a deeper understanding of likely, potential opportunities."

A sentence of 52 words is hard to read and understand. We think you can convey the same information with fewer than 30.

Here are our nine suggested improvements:

1. "High-level macro market trends" as opposed to "low-level micro market" trends? We don't think this says anything useful so we'd take it out.

2. You don't need both "trends" and "key issues", so we'd remove one.

3. We'd remove the capitals on "Proprietary Databases": capitals should be reserved for proper nouns.

4. Although "unique" and "proprietary" are not synonyms, in this context they mean almost the same thing and losing one will not change the meaning of the sentence.

5. To most people "appreciation" means "gratitude", so we'd prefer to use a word that suggests recognition or understanding.

6. Rather than the noun "appreciation", we'd use the verb "identify".

7. What are "individual" assets? We'd take that adjective out, unless someone can tell us what it means.

8. "Opportunities" are always "potential" until they are exploited. We avoid tautology, or saying the same thing twice (sic).

9. Aren't "likely" and "potential" almost the same thing? We'd take "likely" out too.

Here's our suggested version (29 words):

"Our databases, combined with our expert analysis and research, will help you identify market trends and opportunities by enabling you to drill down into specific companies, markets and assets."

You don't like "drill down into"? Suggest an alternative. Contact us.

Award yourself two points for each improvement you've made and one for each word you cut.

41+ You've matched the best that we can do. We'd love to see your version, so do contact us.

30-40 Very good. You probably need to make just a few minor changes.

20-29 Not bad. There's room for improvement, but your writing is unlikely to cause a reader major problems.

10-19 Mediocre. Try thinking hard about the meaning of each word and use fewer of them.

0-9 Oh no! You're trapped in a world of corporate waffle. Or possibly you fell asleep. Either way, this score is fairly embarrassing.

For more tips on writing, have a look at the Clarity blog.