Stone the cows

After listening to Radio 4’s day of gripping readings from the King James Bible on Sunday, I feel like taking a potshot at one of today’s sacred cows: plain English.

Here’s the essayist Joseph Addison, writing three hundred years ago in the Spectator about a visit to the Royal Exchange: “This grand Scene of Business gives me an infinite Variety of solid and substantial Entertainments. As I am a great Lover of Mankind, my Heart naturally overflows with Pleasure at the sight of a prosperous and happy Multitude, insomuch that at many publick Solemnities I canot forbear expressing my Joy with Tears that have stoln down my Cheeks.”

This is a vivid description, conjuring up place, atmosphere and the writer’s emotions. And all those capital letters – did you notice how they give every noun a starring role, and provide visual signposting for easier reading?

But it wouldn’t get past the plain English police. Too many adjectives; lots of long Latinate words; redundant phrases; and a 43-word sentence.

Perhaps we promoters of plain English could relax a little, even in business writing. Or perhaps the great writer Addison is the exception that proves the rule.